October 05

Exercise, comedy and kittens

Repeat after me: Exercise, comedy and kittens. These are the three things that will prevent you from losing your freaking mind in the next five weeks until Election Day. Let’s break it down:

Exercise is a must. Not only because all of us  will inevitably be nervously eating leftover Halloween candy on Election Night but because we need endorphins and feel-good brain chemicals to offset the vile political climate. You might think alcohol would be your friend but remember, alcohol is a depressant. Do you need to be more depressed? Trust me, exercise will be critical to your well-being until November 9 or maybe for the next four years. So you really should get your routine in place now. Punching things is optional.

Comedy will allow you to laugh off that feeling of impending doom that many of us feel as we gaze numbly at the FiveThirtyEight website day after day after day. Choose your comedian. If you haven’t seen the series, Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee is pretty much a smorgasbord of funny people. I’m going for the big guns tonight and have tickets to see Louis CK live. Louis CK in an election year live is pretty much the maximum dosage of comedy a human can withstand. I’m counting on it lasting me the entire stretch.

Kittens are pretty much like valium with fur. The sound of purring beats any controlled substance for making you relax. That they come with fur is a bonus. Kittens will endlessly distract you with their adorable antics. You won’t even notice the sounds of people panicking in the streets. We don’t have any kittens right now but I’ll be trading in the Puggle we’ve been fostering whose ready for adoption for a litter of kittens tomorrow morning. Per our family rule, there needs to be at least one kitten per person so everyone can get their fix. It’s nearing the end of the kitten season in North America so you’ll want to check with your local shelter because supplies may be limited. Cats, puppies or dogs can also be used for this purpose but come on. You’re kidding yourself if you think they have the same superpowers as kittens.

And please tell me your registered to vote. Seriously. You gotta. If all else fails, pray.